Which?
by Fordge
Summary: One-shot I made as a sorry for my lateness in "What if I cant forget you?" After entering a game show, lovers Ludwig and Feliciano become mortal enemies. How do they make up? And what happened to the regular host! Rated T for language ((Its only a bit. Like two or three, I can't remember.)) (Slight UsUk and One-sided FrUk) WHOOPS FORGOT TO MENTION SOME PRUCAN (a speck)


**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN HETALIA NOR ITS CHARACTERS OR ANYTHING BESIDES…WHATEVER I HAVE**

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><p><strong>AN: Sorry?**

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><p><em><span><strong>Which<strong>_

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><p>"Alright folks! It's what you've been waiting for, the final round of, 'Which!' And honestly, this show isn't very popular, but the only reason this stage is packed tonight is because the last two contestants are…Ludwig Beilshmidts and Feliciano Vargas! Two very famous actors that just happened to be one of the world's most loved couples! No one would have seen this coming! The two entered the competition with no intention of winning, but after Feliciano got a German dish wrong, and Ludwig got an Italian dish wrong, the two have been mortal enemies ever since! Let's see what happens in the last round of, 'Which!'"<p>

"I'll win this luddy, just you watch!"

"Nein! I will, I'll show you"

"Looks like the two are really competitive tonight; I bet you after this, there will be a result of rough hate-filled sex!"

"AWWW" the crowd said.

"Alright, and if you were wondering who I was, I guess it's time I tell you! I'm not the official host, but I punched the official host just a few minutes ago, managing to send him to the hospital and had to take his place, but it wasn't my fault, he started acting all cocky, calling himself, awesome! I mean I am the hero and the hero is more awesome than whoever he was."

"That was my bruder…" Ludwig said irritated.

"Oh well…ahem, best not to get on your bad side, ahem. Anyways, yeah, my name is Alfred F. Jones. The F stands for fucking so it's Alfred Fucking Jones, YOU guys!"

"YOU LYING GIT, IT'S FRANKLYN"

"Ahahaha…Very funny Artie…very funny…."

"'Which, Which, Which, Which, Which, Which!" the crowd screamed waiting for the match

"Alright, alright dudes, I got it. Ahem…now, for this final round, we are going to use a human! Isn't that awesome…yeah…yay…" Alfred said, un-enthusiastically

"Anyways…let's go! As you know the rules, there will be a picture shown on the screen, I, the new more awesome host, will ask the question, and if you know the answer, you will press your little…" Alfred ran up to the contestant's booth and looked at the button.

"Green button? I thought it was supposed to be red!"

"KEEP ON YOU GIT!"

"Alright, I get it, no need to be mad, keep it under control. Okay, are you ready Ludwig?"

"Ja."

"Feliciano?"

"Sí."

"Okay, manager, or whatever person does the screen job, please post the picture!"

The picture was shown and everyone looked at it confusingly, Alfred just stared at it with a smile. An annoyed smile. He knew no one knew him; this is just going to be a waste of time.

"Alright, question time! In the Famous T.V. series, Hetalia, Matthew Williams also played a role, which country did he play as in this popular series?"

Feli raised his hand.

"Yes Feliciano?"

"Who is Matthew Williams?"

Alfred mentally face palmed.

"Just try and answer the question…"

Ludwig was the first to press his button.

"Yes, Ludwig?"

"The United States of America?"

"NO! I played as him!"

"We don't know him…" Feliciano said. America faced palmed for real now.

"Can we get something different now, or else we are going to be here all night?" Alfred saw one of the staff give him a thumbs up and winked at the same time.

"Okay…that was…weird…on to the next one, by the way, he's my brother and he played Canada…"

"Ohhhh!" the crowd yelled in realization.

"Yeah, now hold up 'cause I'm still getting used to this ear wear…yeah…I suggest a hamburger…that is rude! Just do it…I already have the question, why? People aren't looking at me as if I was crazy; I'm not speaking to myself…." Alfred looked at the crowd.

"Ahem…well our next question has to do with food, bring the food."

Soon, someone brought in two plates covered by a lid. Each plate was put on one of the contestant's booth. Soon, the lid was pulled off and revealed a greasy horror movie.

"Yeah, sweet heaven. Right here men are two hamburgers on both your plates. One is the real deal from McDonalds and the other is a non-awesome replica of it. The question, which hamburger is the real deal?"

Feli and Ludwig stared at the nightmare on a plate and picked up each hamburger and ate it. And by ate it, I mean, take a small little bite about the amount of squidwards bite in that one episode of SpongeBob where it was his first time tasting a krabby patty, although, it did not hold the same reaction. For both, one felt greasier, the other felt squishy, and since the two barely ate from McDonalds (more like never) they didn't know which was which. But either way, they tried, just to show their lover. The first to press their button was Feliciano.

"Yes Feliciano?"

"Umm…this one…" Feliciano pointed to the one on his left. Alfred looked at it sceptically. He picked up one and took a bite. He then picked up the other and took a bite from that one.

"Nope, you're wrong, it's this one. I could only tell by looking at it, but I wanted to taste it." Alfred then picked up the real burger and started eating it. He then walked over to Ludwig.

"Now vemever ludvig-"

"STOP TALKING WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL, BLOODY WANKER!"

Alfred swallowed the burger.

"Sorry…ANYWAYS! Now remember Ludwig, just because Feli's plate held the fake one on the left, doesn't mean your fake one is also on the left. Well…which is which?"

"Ummm….this one….." Ludwig pointed to the one on his right.

"Taking that chance huh? Okay…" Alfred took a bite.

"You, my friend, are…to be told after the break!"

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><p>(Commercial time (I always hate this))<p>

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><p>"Whoa, what's happening?"<p>

"We didn't have any more actors, sorry artie, you gotta do this. As much as it pains me, you'll have to kiss 'The Frog'."

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL?!"

"Bonjour Arthur!"

"No way in hell am I doing this, good bye!" Arthur ran off but tripped over his dress…..wait…dress?

"WHY THE **** AM I WEARING A ******* DRESS!? IT IS ***-"

"This commercial sucks…sorry kids, we tried our best to bleep that…maybe we should just go back to the show."

"NO! I MUST GET A KISS FROM MON CHER!"

"Francis, put your clothes back on and throw that rose away, it's never going to happen because my document says we can't force him."

"A little bit stuck on Hetalia, aren't you. You do know you are not literally the country?"

"SHUT UP-"

"Watch Hetalia at 8:00 p.m. on the thisisnotarealcommercialorchannel channel!"

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><p>(Commercial break over (what commercial?))<p>

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><p>"Okay then…that was the worst commercial I have ever seen. And that's saying something…<p>

"But now, back to the show. Ludwig, you are…CORRECT!"

"REALLY!"

"YEAH DUDE!

"Your prize is a life time supply of…PASTA!"

"NO!" Ludwig could hear Feliciano scream.

"Hahahahah, in your face Feli, in your face…in your…in…What am I going to do with a life time of pasta?"

Alfred walked up to Ludwig and lowered the microphone.

"Share it with a certain someone…"

Alfred handed one box of pasta to Ludwig. Ludwig looked at the box and then at the crying Feli. He walked up to him and leaned down to his level. Feli looked up and stared at him.

"What do you want?" Feliciano hissed.

"It's just a game Feli, calm down." Ludwig said as he handed the pasta box to Feliciano.

"…I'm sorry." Feliciano immediately hugged him.

"AWWWWWW"

"Isn't that cute." Kiku said while taking pictures.

"Yeah well…"

"…spit it out…"

"Alright, hedidn'tgetitcorrectbutiwastiredofseeingthemgetmadthatisaidhewascorrectcauseiknewtheprizewaspasta, awesome right!?"

"…you did well Alfred, you did well."

"Phew, for a second there I thought you were going to scream at me."

"ALFRED!"

"Shit, that's the manager, gotta go, Kiku, do you mind doing the good bye thingy, thank you." Alfred threw the microphone to Kiku and started running.

Kiku looked at the microphone and thought of what to say. He stared at it, and finally leaned it in.

"Anything…for yaoi…"

The screen blacked out.

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><p>"Well, the humans today are definitely weird…"<p>

"Couldn't have said it any better America."

"Can't believe they couldn't get you Canada." America smirked.

"I'm used to it." Canada laughed nervously.

"…I can't wait till I show this tape to Italy and Germany. And especially Japan!" America held the tape up.

"This is a piece of gold in the black mailing world." Canada smirked

"Oh yeah, say hi to whoever is there in that world when you go back." America said while trying to find out what to do with it.

"Sure."

"Maybe we should show Japan first…" America wondered.

"Yeah…Japan could turn it into a doujin…and then we can use it as black mail."

"Let's go"

"America?"

"Yeah?"

"Your people are weird…"

"I know."

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><p>"CUT! Alright people, great job, I am sure the viewers will love this."<p>

"I quit." Matthew said.

"What?"

"I don't get enough credit as Canada, so I am quitting"

"I'm quitting with my bro!" Alfred ran up to Matthew.

"We're not bros." Matthew said, to which Alfred shrugged his shoulders.

"NNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"What now!" Matthew asked

"We go around and earn money by selling autographs, then we can make a band with some of the hetalians and we'll be famous. I got a few songs in mind!" Alfred posed as if he was holding a microphone.

"I will never understand Americans."

"We're too awesome to be understood!"

"Yeah sure."

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><p><strong>END!<strong>

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><p><strong>Omake!<strong>

"UGGGHHHH I AM GOING TO KICK THAT AMERICANS ASS WHEN I SEE HIM AGAIN!"

"And I will kick your ass if you mix up Matthew with Alfred again"

"Pleeeeeeeease~ I love Mattie, there is no way I'd-" The man blushed.

"Love?" the girl raised one of her eyebrows and smirked.

"HE IS NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW SO YOU BETTER KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!" The Prussian/German screamed.

"PAYBACK!~~" she said while skipping out of the room.

The boy tried to get up.

"DON'T LEAVE ME HERE IN THIS WHITE ROOM OF DEATH!" He cried out. When he didn't hear a response, he stared straight ahead. He turned on the T.V. and saw his show on. He saw the American hosting it and scowled.

"F***ing American."

He saw a picture of Matthew and wondered what it was doing there, so he listened to the show.

"Yes Ludwig?"

"The United States of America?"

He turned the T.V. off.

"DEAD LUDWIG!? DEAD? I AM DONE! YOU ARE SO GETTING IT WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE!"

He threw the remote on the floor and sighed.

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><p><strong>OKAY, THIS 'THE END!'<strong>


End file.
